The Return of an Inconsistent Blogger

So, it is safe to assume that I am not a very consistent blogger. (Yuck! I hate the term "blogger", "blog", etc. Ick.) But, I think I am going to give it another try.

The last day of January 2012 is fast approaching. My time at Geneva College will end in three months and three days. Yikes. I wish I was more excited to graduate. I mean not Tom Cruise jumping on a couch excited-- but at the very least ready to move on to what's next for me. But, right now, I'm far more terrified than excited. I know I am not the first college senior to feel this way, and if they don't, they're probably a robot. And I don't know whether it is the fear of an uncertain future or the need to stay where one is comfortable, but I don't think I am ready to leave yet. I like being able to walk down a sidewalk and know every person who passes by. I like the anticipation, hope, and ultimate disappointment of checking my mail everyday. I like getting food from the Brig and watching television in my apartment over lunch break when I don't feel like talking to anyone.

No matter, in three months and three days I must say goodbye to this chapter of my life and trust that God's good plan for my life will be revealed in His time.

So, for know. I'm going to list what I am thankful for and call it a night.

1. My parents willingness to help with an assignment.

2. Dr. Belcastro's challenging, but ultimately rewarding class.

3. My encouraging roommates, even though they watch NCIS too much. :)

4. The opportunity to be here at Geneva to learn and grow.

5. Netflix-- for SNL reruns to keep my sane. :D

Here is what I know:

I am 21-year old college senior, whose diverse skill set includes chicken sandwich-selling, balloon-tying, birthday party-hosting, Law and Order-watching, and incident report-writing. In May, I will graduate with a degree in Elementary Education, after completing countless hours of field experience in local school districts. I have loved my time spent inside the classroom working with young students, as well as outside of school; camp counseling, volunteering with the GSEA, and most recently, as an employee of the Children's Museum of Pittsburgh. Watching students learn and grow is amazing and it brings me great joy.

Yet...

Several of my friends, many of whom have been my closest peers during my time at Geneva, have wanted to be teachers since they were small children themselves. From a young age, they found their calling. That's a really wonderful, terrific thing. And not just because Geneva places such a great emphasis on the idea of calling, but because they are so assured that they have chosen a path which will bring them contentment and peace for many years to come.

I am completely jealous of these friends, and any other person for that matter, who feels similarly. Because I'm not there yet.

Don't get me wrong, I have loved every one of my classes, classmates, and professors. But, I am not sure that I would bring as much enthuasium and passion to a classroom of my own, as a teacher should to best benefit their children. And maybe sense of unsureness is just simply fear; fear of not finding a teaching job post graduation, fear of not being challenged to continue to mature, and most simply, the fear of no longer finding joy in working with children.

But I also know this:

Many, many people graduate with degrees in one field, and then later find their calling in another. Ina Garten, who is a card-carrying member of my hero club, mostly because of her hilarious, yet oddly calming, television show, was a nuclear policy analyst in the White House working with several presidents, before she began teaching viewers how to make chocolate ganache cupcakes on the Food Network.

Am I on that path? Probably not. But I am keeping my options open. And in the process, learning how to make awesome chocolate cupcakes, with no hint of the word, fondant, in the recipe.

Even though my future does not involve a popular cooking show or personally advising the POTUS, I know there something is out there for me. And I will wait patiently until God reveals my next step, whether it be a teaching job, graduate school, or selling popsicles at Disney World. My only prayer is that I continue to find joy, knowing that my future, my life, is in the hands of an Almighty Creator.